Choice and Agency
Posted by Dave Perez on 12/18/2009
Hi blog readers. I’m David Perez. I am the Artistic Director of Pavement Group, and will be directing our production of punkplay this February as part of Steppenwolf’s Garage Rep. We are a three year-old company formed out of Steppenwolf’s Apprenticeship program, so needless to say we’re REALLY REALLY EXCITED.
In preparations for punkplay, I have been thinking a lot about choice and agency as a means to navigate the future. punkplay is a ferocious examination of identity and youth, and the people we pretend to be as we passage into becoming the people we want to be. It’s also about participation and chance. It’s about giving yourself to the world without fear of consequence.
The biggest chance I ever took was moving to Chicago.
When you are fresh out of a conservatory program, scoring a comp to any show is nothing short of awesome. In 2004, after my shift as a lunch bartender across the street from Seattle Rep, I changed in my car into “theatre attire” and picked up my ticket to see Steppenwolf’s touring production of The Time of Your Life. My friend Ramiz was in the cast, and gave me his comp with the express agreement I would buy him beer and tater tots after the show. I was excited, as Tina Landau’s reputation as a visionary of the field proceeded her, and of course the Steppenwolf brand was taught in my schooling. I know, it’s a cliche, but cliches are made from repeatable truth: This particular evening of theatre changed my life. Irrefutably so.
I tried to explain to friends and family who urged me to stay in Seattle and pursue my career as an actor. The only thing I could say was, “I want to do what they are doing. Whatever it is, I want to do that.” I had never seen theatre that was an actual event. Theatre that required the audience to be there. Theatre that unlocked a conversation with our humanity. Whatever Tina did, I wanted to do it too.
So I quit my bartending job and applied for the Apprenticeship at Steppenwolf. A month later, I was hired as the Films and Special Projects Apprentice. I packed my Chevy Blazer, said goodbye to my friends, and took a leap of faith.
Let’s be clear: I have bartended a ton in Chicago. And I bartended a lot at Steppenwolf. I have done a ton at this theatre. Audience Services, Front of House, Post-show Discussions, Assistant Director, you name it. If you are a subscriber, I probably sat you late in the balcony on more than one occasion. I found a sort of artistic home in the lobbies, box offices, and theaters in the building, and credit this place with giving me the psychic space to dream myself into a theatre career.
It’s been almost six years since I came here. Last night, as I was re-visiting the themes of punkplay, I was struck with the notion of how this leap of faith - this stubborn devotion to my instincts - has given me the opportunity to do what a few years ago I thought was impossible. In punkplay, we are confronted with the idea that we have to be active participants in our lives. It’s hard not to feel really lucky when a gamble works out.
Oh, and it’s pretty cool that our show is running while Tina’s is, too. I’ll try not to let that freak me out.